Hey guys

So just this morning I got my acceptance letter from Polaris. Pretty incredible, right? Yeah, I mean, hell yeah! I fit all the criteria and everything. But the problem is that I don't think I want to go there anymore.

I mean I would love to further my art and get better at it and everything, and Polaris could teach me all of that! But I'm not really sure I want to make a career out of art anymore and lately I've been questioning all of my decisions about the future. I really don't think I want to go to Polaris anymore and that's terrible because just two months ago (not even) I was so excited to get my letter because I wanted to go so badly but I'm thinking that post-secondary would be better for me. Honestly, I'm thinking art isn't supposed to be my career in the future, because as much as I love it as a whole, I don't love what I do enough to try getting better or furthering myself.

"But Erin, what about your photography?" I really want to go further on with that, but to do so I need to wait until I have more time to go out and explore the world and wait until I have enough money to get some new equipment or even a better camera, considering my Nikon is a really outdated model (the D3000) that most people don't have anymore. But, yes, I do want to go on with that, but a digital art class isn't going to teach me what I can learn myself about photography and how to edit photos and get better at it. 

Now, onto the post-secondary decision. I was talking to my brother last week at my birthday dinner (hell yeah finally the big 16 woohoo had to take a semester final on my birthday yEAH) and he basically had the same conflict I'm having because he was all into art and stuff at my age (he's ten years older than me) and he said that he really wishes that he would've taken post-secondary because, one, it's free, two, I'd get all of my necessary courses out of the way for college, get college credit, and still get my highschool credit for it, and three, by the time I had my diploma, depending on what I want my major to be (probably English or Literature or something; maybe I could be a teacher somewhere?) I could have my associate's degree.

Anyways, I'm really conflicted and really upset about this, because I've spent the past year-and-a-half obsessing over getting into Polaris but now I'm stressing out about it and even if I decided to decline and go towards post-secondary, I still have a chance of not getting in because I need to take a placement test for that and if I don't pass with a certain score in English and Math I don't have a high chance of getting in.

Sigh. I don't even know anymore. Life's been pretty wacky lately. 

On the bright side, Falling is almost ready to begin the publication process, so that's hella amazing. Sorry for dumping this on you guys, but thanks for listening anyways. Hopefully I'll be back soon with some more writing or something. I might even give you guys a sneak-peak for Falling. Let me know what you think I should do, alright? 

Bye guys.