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December 3, 2011
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      "This is all your fault," he said to me through narrowed eyes. I reached out towards him, but he stepped back. "I will never forgive you." His once sweet and childish blue eyes that I had come to know and love, those eyes that once held such tenderness -now icy and cold with hatred and betrayal flooding his gaze. Making them dark. Making them threatening. I couldn't help but let out a choked sob.
        "I didn't mean for it to happen- please, don't!" But by now he wasn't listening. He pulled his glasses down from the bridge of his nose- his eyes glimmered with anger. Tears burned my eyelids and threatened to spill over; I couldn't show him my weakness. I couldn't. And he stepped towards me. Hands slithered around my body, holding me in place. Lips pressed themselves to the lobe of my ear, and a cold whisper sent chills through me.
        "I don't know why I ever loved you." And he plunged the knife into my back- screams ripping through my very existence as the barbed blade twisted.


        I awoke with a choking gasp; a soft beeping emitted from the machine to my right. A woman dressed in dark blue was leaning over me, a look of concern on her face.
        "Dear, are you okay? You were screaming." How dare this woman act like she cares! I turned away and hissed softly, my voice broken,
        "I'm fine. Don't worry." The dark-haired woman just nodded and asked nothing else, motioning to my arms. First lifting my left, I watched as careful, tan hands unwound rust-stained bandages from my thin arm. I chose the left first because the right hurt to move, a needle stuck into the top of my hand and connected to a bag filled with a deep brown-red substance. The bag was labeled with many small letters- but the ones that always caught my attention were the "O-" printed in black. I had one of the rarest blood types; the doctors were amazed when they found a donor with a match.
        Cuts and scars littered both of my arms- barely any of the pale skin that was once there showed now. Matching slits grazed my right hip, my left shoulder, different spots on my neck, and my legs. The woman finished cleansing my scarlet-stained skin and re-wrapping clean gauze around the entirety of my left limb, she switched to my right- but treated it with much more delicacy because of the IV attached to my veins. Pumping life back into the body I had recently tried to rid of.

         "It's all your fault." I jerked as the voice echoed in the walls of my mind and uttered a whimper of pain as the tube connected to my body was pulled. The nurse over me reminded me to stay calm, and she then resumed cleansing the cuts and reddened skin.

         "Do you think. . .I'm ever going to recover again?" I asked her once. She had just looked up at me and gave me one of those fake, honey-sweet, if-I-don't-say-this-I'm-screwed smiles and chirped in an all-too peppy voice,
         "Why of course, dear! You're going to be heading home as soon as you're strong enough!" I had given her a frown and turned my head away, demanding I be left alone. That narrow-eyed expression caught my eyes, and she just left.

         I didn't believe her then, why the hell should I believe her fake smiles now?
         
         "I will never forgive you." I jerked again. "W-What was that?" My eyes were huge. I looked around the room- it was only me and the nurse, who had just finished securing the new wrap around my right arm.
            "What is it?" She asked me, an eyebrow raising. She was probably thinking 'Great, another crazy brat.' I just shook my head slowly and mumbled, breathless,
            "Sorry. . .I just. . .thought I heard something." She rolled those too-green eyes, probably that way from stupid contacts, and she sauntered back out of the room with her supplies. I stroked some sweat-slicked hair from my face with my left hand and cringed to myself as the salty liquid stung a few visible cuts on the back of my hand. I'm just tired. . . I thought quietly, shifting and trying to get comfortable on the greatly-stiffened hospital bed. How the hell I could sleep on this thing, I'll never know.

           "This is all your fault. . ." I looked around again, tears lightly making their way down my cheeks. I hadn't even known that I'd started crying. Memories. Painful memories. I could've sworn I saw him in front of my, his figure shimmering like an angel sent down from heaven. I slowly curled up as he approached. "All your fault. . ." He repeated, voice slicing through me like a knife. I put my hands over my ears, but his voice penetrated their cover. "I will never forgive you. . .Never. . ." I squeezed my eyes shut, but his image burned their way through my lids. I felt something bubbling up in the pit of my stomach- dragging it's way up my throat like a blade.
     
           "Tell me, Erin. . ." One jagged breath after the other. Each growing more restrained. The beeping of the monitor beside me began to increase. Faster. Faster. Beep. . .Beep. .Beep. Beep. Beep beep beep beep beep beep

           "Do you think I ever even loved you from the start?"

           And I released a blood-curdling scream.
Well, another dream of mine. . .
Where I had cut myself, trying to kill myself, and I was in the hospital. I had been there for almost over a month by then. I had recurring nightmares of my boyfriend always saying it was my fault, he'd never forgive me, and he never even loved me. In the end, I found myself going crazy and I screamed as loud as I could.

I woke up screaming and in full-blown tears. Thank GOD it was Saturday morning and everyone was out because it was maybe eleven in the morning.

God I need to cut so. Fucking. Badly.
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:iconcheese1815:
cheese1815 Dec 6, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Okay. The story is epic, but for it to be a dream is pretty messed up :( you need happy thoughts :)
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:iconivediedinside:
IveDiedInside Dec 6, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Yeah, I know v.v
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:iconpaeynne:
-this is not making me happy- ._. you need some cookies or bunnies or clouds or some shit like that
Reply
:iconivediedinside:
IveDiedInside Dec 4, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
My dreams aren't happy v.v
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:iconpaeynne:
D:< wtf man. wtf. you need some tigers eye or something.
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:iconivediedinside:
IveDiedInside Dec 4, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Meep. . .sorry
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:iconpaeynne:
NO SAYING SORRY! D:
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:iconivediedinside:
IveDiedInside Dec 5, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
S- -Covers mouth- T^T Gomenasai
Reply
:iconpaeynne:
BLAAAAAAAAAHAHAAAA. T~T you almost said it again!
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:iconivediedinside:
IveDiedInside Dec 5, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Meeeppp
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