Here's my Goodbye.

Time has run out, for me. Everything's distant and I don't know what to believe.
It's so hard, lost in the world confusion. And I need to leave, for a while.

Tears lightly forming in my eyes, I pulled out my notebook and a pen. I flipped open the cover and tore through the pages of poetry I had written throughout the years. Stopping on an empty page, I began writing.

Life is so meaningless, there is nothing worth a smile. So goodbye, I'll miss you.

I felt nothing for life anymore. It was so. . .so pointless. I couldn't even smile a fake little grin like I had for months on end. I couldn't fake the happiness I hadn't had for so long. It was meaningless to try anymore.

And I'm sorry, but this is my fate. Everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay. And I'm sorry, but I've waited too long. So here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me.
I'm not worth any tears.

I wiped my eyes and frowned at the multiple letters written to my family, friends, sister who lived all the way across the country and knew nothing about this, and my boyfriend, whom was currently at a family party hours away. I wondered when he'd find out, when she'd find out, and how they would react. Who would find me?

It's been the years, of abuse. Neglected to treat the disorder, That controls my youth, for so long. I'm in a fleshy tomb, buried up above the ground.

Then I reached out for the razor I had retrieved from the bathroom, and I taped the letters up on my wall. It was surrounded by happy quotes, songs, pictures. . .All of which did nothing to help the pain I suffered everyday. No one knew the severity of my depression. At this point, I was dead, but breathing. Not alive, just breathing.

It's no use, why should I hold on? It's been five years, don't need one more.
So goodbye, life's abuse.

Smiling softly passed the tears that streaked down my pale cheeks, I dragged the blade in multiple cuts on either of my upper arms, then I moved to my wrists. I felt no pain anymore- but still those salty droplets of life continued to flow.

And I'm sorry, but this is my fate. Everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay. And I'm sorry, but I've waited too long. So here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me.
I'm not worth any tears.

No one will care, I reminded myself. No one will ever care. Everything they've said were lies. Lies. Lies lies lies LIES. With those thoughts I began to slice up my arms, my legs, any amount of bare skin I could until suddenly I found myself shaking. The razor fell from my hands and onto the now rusted red-dyed comforter beneath me. I grinned softly. Tears continued to drip from my chin and onto the bloody mass of skin that were my arms and legs.

(Every 18 minutes, somebody dies from a suicide. Every 43 seconds, somebody attempts one. If you, or anybody you know, is suicidal, Call 1-800-784-2433.)

I curled up on the plush, and now soaked, comforter and gazed around my bedroom for one last time. The hazy images that were my vision already began to fade when I spotted the digital camera, it's light blue encasing shimmering in the dim light of my lamp. I reached for it and pulled it to me. They needed one last reminder of the girl who lost to life.

And I'm sorry, but this my fate. Everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay.
And I'm sorry, but I've waited too long. So here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me.

I turned on the device and shakily held the camera in front of me. I gave the screen my best smile and waited until the click resounded. The, leaving the image on the screen, I tossed the camera aside and curled back up. Blood threaded itself through my golden-brown hair and the metallic stench tickled my nose. Slowly, savouring those last few moments of life, my eyes began to flutter closed.

And finally, I let go. I knew God was waiting for me. . .He promised to save me from my time of suffering and bring me home. I was finally going home to be happy.

So here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me.
I'm not worth any tears

And when they find me. . .They will see the bloody girl in the image smiling through her tears, as though she were lying to them again and saying "You caused this, but don't worry, because it doesn't hurt. I'm fine."

But really, I never was.